OOPS...I did it again!

If anyone knows me, they know I'm the queen of blunders....so it's not too shocking that I did it again! I will be the first person to admit...I am completely flawed, and by His grace, do I try daily to lay down my flesh and be in this world but not of it. It's a hard and humbling process! But ultimately, it brings me closer to Him. Isn't that what the true meaning of life is?

So my mistake was: I sent out an email to what I thought was only for my Lifegroup sisters (aka...wawa sistas), and accidentally sent it out to EVERYONE in my email address. When I discovered my mistake, I panicked. What I wrote wouldn't be understood by the secular world and I felt almost immediate scrutiny would follow. So I tried to solve the problem by sending out another email stating my mistake and that it was ONLY for my bible study. Unfortunately, not everyone complied and my sweet sisters hit "return all" in their response to me. The result was not good; hurtful words were expressed by some. I felt terrible! This was in no way shape or form meant to be a debate, but a question and an understanding to my sweet sisters who know my heart and who also know the Lord and His word. What a mess! Thankfully, my bible study leader and God put an end to it. No one else commented after her email. Thank you God! Not surprisingly, (since Stacey and Cathy both prayed that the Lord would block or take back most of these emails) several people didn't even get them! God, always shows up, doesn't He?

Here's what I have learned through this process...God is merciful and gracious! Also, that He turns EVERYTHING into good for those who love Him...which just happens to be my favorite scripture; one that is written on the soul of my heart. I also saw God's hand throughout this whole process. Endless, countless, amazing words and prayers were spoken over me....reminding me that mistakes happen and that those who truly know me and my heart, understand that I search for answers about Him. It's just what I do. I also realized how many people love me! That's ALWAYS a good thing! To my amazing friends who I have so much respect, love and gratitude for, here's a shout out to you: Stacey, Jennifer A., Anna, Cathy, Terri, Robin, Darlene, Dottie, Crissie, Beth, my mom, aunt Sandra, cousin Georgia, Jacqueline, Kristi, Pat, Melissa, Jennifer G., and countless of others to whom I felt I owed an apology to for bringing them into this awkward situation. You inspire me beyond belief! You breathed life and love into my spirit the last couple of days which I can honestly say was the BEST thing that could have happened to me! Thank you doesn't even begin to express my gratitude!

Regarding my email...well, I am not ashamed about it. For those of you who know my heart (and apparently most do), you know that I was in no way, shape or form, trying to imply that I want something tragic to happen to anyone. What I do know is this: God's ways and thoughts are not ours. I don't believe in coincidences; so therefore, I search for answers as to why things happen; not just blow them off as random circumstance. I search the bible and what His word says about His ways. I ask people whom I trust to help me understand Him and His ways. I am not ashamed of that. And most importantly, God isn't ashamed of me, but is so happy that I look for answers about Him. I also know that God sometimes allows trials to bring us closer to Him.

For those who were upset that you received my email, I am truly sorry. I am not sorry for my email, but I am sorry that I accidentally sent it to you. That is a mistake I hope I never make again. But guess what? I will make another blunder because I am an imperfect, flawed person. So if I do, please forgive me in advance. Please try to understand the true intentions of my heart and give me the benefit of the doubt. I promise, I will do the same for you. I love you, sweet ones, and NEVER want to cause you pain! There are no hard feelings on my part.

Lastly, the most important thing about this trial was: we all prayed fervently for the Haitans. Isn't that what God really wanted to happen? His glory was revealed in the end.

A Mother's Love

One of the hardest thing about being a parent is having to walk with your children during their hurts. Whether it's nursing them back to physical health, or mending their spirit through a heart ache, it's a painful process. When they hurt, I hurt. Motherhood truly keeps me on my knees and humble before the Lord!

My mother has always been my best champion. No matter what my pain is, whether physical or emotional, I've always run to my mom to nurse me back to health. When I was a little girl, I loved listening to my mother's fervent prayers. I still do. At 41 years of age, the little girl inside me still needs her to cheer me on, pray for me or mourn with me while my heart breaks. It's just what most moms do....or, more specifically, it's what she does. What an amazing blessing that I know I take for granted!

The last three years I have been on a spiritual quest. At 38, I finally found the Lord of my childhood, but it hasn't been an easy road. Walking in the spirit but living in this world can be challenging....and heart breaking at times. At the end of the day, though, I know that it's my mother's early teachings, her fervent prayers and her unconditional love for me that ultimately helped me see God's true face.

What an amazing influence we mothers have on our children's lives! How incredibly important it is that we get it right...because one day they may need to see God's face through our unconditional love for them.

Since it's the day after Christmas, I can't help but think of the ultimate mother...Mary. What incredible heartache she endured being the mother of Jesus. Unfathomable, unspeakable heartache...even though she knew the outcome was for good, her mother's heart had to have been broken many times. Even Jesus, dying on the cross, worried about his mother's emotional pain. He hurt because she hurt. True love is like that, though. It's not always carefree and easy; sometimes there is tremendous pain involved; sometimes there is sacrifice and selflessness, but that's what makes it real.

While You Were Sleeping

Casting Crowns has an amazing song called "While You Were Sleeping" that I just added to my play list. Gosh, this song has so stirred my spirit this Christmas season. I never intentionally set out to be so self-absorbed that I miss Him...and yet, ashamedly, I must confess, lately I have missed His true message for me. I have allowed outside circumstances to take away my joy instead of realizing who I am and to whom I belong! I have given into anxiety, raw emotions and worry. After slumbering in my flesh, I have finally opened my ears to hear Him. Really hear Him. You see, He never yells or screams but whispers softly. Until I can get me (or the world) out of my head, it's the only voice I can hear. Thankfully, I'm not asleep anymore and He isn't silent! Thank you, Lord, for awakening my spirit through this song.

This is what He tells me: "Do you know how much I love you? Do you know that you were bought with a price? Do you know to whom you belong? You belong to: The King of Kings, the Prince of Peace, the Almighty God! Why do you slumber in your flesh? Don't stay asleep, Tyra. Open your spiritual ears to hear my sweet, gentle voice. The Holy Spirit never leaves you; He is as close as the air you breathe. You are not alone. Cast your cares on Me, my sweet girl. I love you...not because of who you are but because of who I am. Nothing...NOTHING can separate my love for you."

What is He saying to you? Do you need to get the world out of your head so you can hear Him? Don't slumber and miss the message He has for you. Allow Him to love on you...it's just what He does and who He is! It's ALL good....

Thankfulness

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. What an amazing time of reflection to count one's blessings! It warms my heart to think that for one day, we, as a Nation, can stop our busy lives, join together and say "I'm thankful." That is a TRUE reason to celebrate!

I sometimes wonder if the Lord gets so tired of our grumbling; of our complaining; of our ungratefulness. I know as a parent, it's tiresome when I hear ungratefulness from my children. I feel ashamed when I "hear" it from me. Even though my life is far from perfect it's still...so blessed. It's worthy of my gratitude. So...here are my thankful for's:

My Lord...for He has taught me what true love really is.
My husband...for the amazing man he is. He puts up with me! :)
My children...for the way they make me laugh every day.
My mother...for her unconditional love that I know I take for granted!
My relatives...for the memories and life that we have shared.
My health...for the miraculous way God made our bodies.
My friends...for the truly amazing and wonderful women that God has hand-picked just for me!
My home...for it's warmth, coziness and beauty.
My memories...for reflection. Life IS the memories we make...I love making good ones.
My travels...for it's my passion. I LOVE traveling. God always provides a way for me to!
My music...for it's always been my secret desire to be a singer, and in my fantasy world, I'm a good one!
My future...for I know the plans He has for me are good!
My life...for even though I look forward to heaven, I am thankful for this life He has given me.

Dear Lord, thank you for loving me even when I'm unlovable. Thank you for knowing the desires of my heart and caring enough to bless me...even when I don't deserve it. Thank you for turning my sorrow into joy and my pain into gladness! Thank you for never leaving me nor forsaking me....even when I have forsaken you. Thank you for writing on my heart that ALL your plans for me are GOOD! I praise you, Father, for YOU are good! Your blessings are extravagant and your mercies and graces are forever. You are love! I am thankful to be your daughter.

Oh...and I'm also thankful that on Thanksgiving, big thighs are a good thing! :)

My songs

I know, I'm lame. Slowly but surely I am learning new tools to jazz up my blog. Finally, I figured out how to add music, and I'm so excited! A few years ago I discovered the David Crowder Band, and I have to tell you, they really minister to me! Plus, I just adore his voice. What an anointing and blessing to be able to speak into people's lives with music.

The first song on my play list is "How He Love Us" and I passionately believe this is the true testimony of Christians. If we can just remember His love, above everything, nothing else matters; right? Then the second one is "Who Am I?" by Casting Crowns. This reminds me to be humble; after all, who am I that the God of the universe cares to know my name?

Each song is my anthem that gets me through the day and carries me to His throne. I am so thankful for the blessings of these songs.

Confessions of a Mad Housewife

I must confess. Yesterday I had a melt-down. You know, the kind where you just lose it over nothing earth-shattering or life-altering; just one more thing added to your to-do list while the kids are screaming and the dog is barking and the phone is ringing and the dinner is burning... For me, it was the printer. It was just the last straw in another battle of the wills that I had no control over. I just wanted it to print. I thought when we bought a printer that that is what it was created to do: print.

I checked all the major components: Paper tray: full, black ink: brand new, power light: on...the basic needs of the printer were met, and yet, it would not print. The warning message flashed "refill the color ink", but I didn't have or need color ink. I wasn't asking for much; just plain, boring, black and white. Unfortunately, it was not going to print ANYTHING until the color ink cartridge was fully loaded.

"I DON'T NEED COLOR!" I yelled and pulled my hair. It did nothing. Crying didn't help either; I tried that too.

My family didn't understand my melt-down. Really, how could it be explained? I am constantly telling my children to not cry over "spilled milk" so how could I explain my tears of frustration over a printer? As goofy as it sounds, I needed to throw a tantrum. My system was on overload and it was either tears or profanity...or both. I apologized profusely after it was over, but it felt cathartic and cleansing, like a purging of the days' offenses being washed away by my tears.

However, as good as it feels to purge, I'm always left with a nagging feeling that one of these days, in the not-so-far-off future, my boys will be laying on a couch in a sterile office describing their mother's crying melt-downs to a head doctor while he reveals the real reason they can't cry at Hallmark commercials: "It's all your mother's fault!"

So much for tantrums.

A Love that Never Ends

I wonder how many people have truly experienced an unwavering, unending and unconditional love? People hurt, people dissappoint, people break your heart and/or break their promises. I'm so in awe of God's unfailing love. He has never abandoned me; never broken His promises; His loves continues whether I am deserving of it or not (and I'm not, by the way). He wooes me to bask in His love. I am His. Girls, do you realize how freeing that is?

Today in Life Group we were asked to articulate what the Lord means to us. WOW! How do you put that into words? Woman after woman shared their hearts on God's unending and unfailing love. Basically, God's girls say: He is enough. It doesn't matter if we are tall, short, thin, plump, pretty, plain; He thinks we are special. The world may say we don't measure up, but it just doesn't matter. He is enough. We are desperate for Him; we hunger for His precious Holy Spirit; He fills us up. He is our daily bread.

So to all the broken-hearted women who feel useless or used up, seek His love. He is waiting for you. He is enough and His love never ends.