My faith teaches me to lay down my burdens and cast my cares on Him. At times, this is the hardest part of the process for me. My flesh wants to hang onto those cares that weigh me down like an unhealthy love/hate relationship. It's a constant battle of the wills, and at times, it can be exhausting. Flesh and spirit battling each other for the win. However, ultimately, the war brings me closer to Him. During those times, I sing a beautiful song to myself, close my eyes, and picture myself running and running up, up, up this huge green mountain that takes me to the clouds.
"I hear the voice...the voice of the one I love
He's calling my name (Tyra)
He's saying...
Come up higher...hear the angles sing
Come up higher....my beloved
Come up higher...leave your cares behind
You'll find me to be beautiful...
I am running....running after You
You've become my soul's delight
I am running...running after You
Here with you I've found my life"
Tears fill my eyes and run down my cheeks. I am loved; I am cherished; I am His. His love is overwhelming, and even though I'm so undeserving, he takes that burden and lays it at His feet. I am free and light as a feather.
What an awesome God I serve! Run to Him and lay it down. You will find Him to be beautiful....
Friday, February 20, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
Say It Isn't So...
The annoying part of growing older, I am convinced, is the fact that a young person is still living inside my older body...taunting me! You see, the younger, slimmer and perkier version of myself is screaming to come out, but the older, fatter and tired version is trying to shut her up with a glass of wine, or a brownie, depending upon my mood. I've also discovered that denial has become my new best friend since all full-length mirrors are now banned from my view. If I can't see those dimpled thighs, then they don't exist; right? Shhh...
How did this happen? I woke up one morning and suddenly had to worry that my butt was getting too big! What? Huh? Who me? My sons are now jointly singing "I like big butts and I cannot lie" as they use my robust derriere as a bongo to keep the beat. I defend myself by proudly stating that in some cultures, big booties are considered beautiful. They laugh and laugh. Apparently, I'm funny. Meanwhile, hubby goes into hiding and pleads the 5th while my tormentors continue with their rendition of "Fat Bottom Girls Make the World Go Round." My alter-image 28-year old just smiles at those silly boys...what do they know? Humpft! "DON'T MAKE ME SIT ON YOU, YOU SKINNY WEAKLINGS!" she yells.
However, at the end of the day, when the house is silent and I'm left with my own torturous thoughts, I finally admit: perhaps my love affair with all things chocolate and gooey has finally come to an end. I am now a grown-up. I am officially...on a diet. But don't tell my alter-ego; she still thinks we look hot. Shhh....
How did this happen? I woke up one morning and suddenly had to worry that my butt was getting too big! What? Huh? Who me? My sons are now jointly singing "I like big butts and I cannot lie" as they use my robust derriere as a bongo to keep the beat. I defend myself by proudly stating that in some cultures, big booties are considered beautiful. They laugh and laugh. Apparently, I'm funny. Meanwhile, hubby goes into hiding and pleads the 5th while my tormentors continue with their rendition of "Fat Bottom Girls Make the World Go Round." My alter-image 28-year old just smiles at those silly boys...what do they know? Humpft! "DON'T MAKE ME SIT ON YOU, YOU SKINNY WEAKLINGS!" she yells.
However, at the end of the day, when the house is silent and I'm left with my own torturous thoughts, I finally admit: perhaps my love affair with all things chocolate and gooey has finally come to an end. I am now a grown-up. I am officially...on a diet. But don't tell my alter-ego; she still thinks we look hot. Shhh....
Thursday, January 22, 2009
MLK, Jr...and a 2nd grader
My son, Alex, loves Social Studies. It's his favorite subject in school, and he especially loves American History and studying about American Heroes. The Friday before the MLK, Jr. school holiday, his class watched a documentary on the Civil Rights Movement and the impact of this American Hero's influence on our history. Before Alex could even get buckled in the back seat of our van, he started telling me about the documentary and how touching it was.
"Mom" he said, "you wouldn't believe how they used to treat black people." A part of me was sad that his innocence was gone; he now knew that the world is not color blind. "It was very touching," he continued "I sort of got tears in my eyes." Our talk about racism continued as well as discussing what kind of hero MLK, Jr. was. Then he asked, "Mom, isn't it a good thing that we now have a black president?"
After a deliberate hiatus of not talking about, watching or listening to any commentary on politics, I was somewhat reluctant to go down this path. Not to mention that trying to explain the complexities of politics to an eight year seemed like such a daunting task. Our dialogue went something like this:
Me: "Yes, yes. Absolutely. It's a wonderful thing that we have a black president. However, he's actually called bi-racial. His mother was white and his father was black...but he is a man of color. A lot of black people said that they never thought they would live to see it. I am very proud that our country has come this far in being color-blind, unfortunately, he's on the wrong side of the issues."
Alex: "But you didn't want him to be president, right?"
Me: "Not because of his skin color, honey. I don't vote for someone based on their skin color or what gender they are. I disagree with many issues that he stands for, that's all."
Alex: "Like what?"
Me: "Abortion for one."
Alex: "What is that?"
Me: "It is when a woman can terminate or abort her pregnancy."
Alex: "Huh? Kill a baby?"
Me: "Well...essentially, yes."
Alex being thoughtful for a few seconds. "What is a PhD?"
Me wondering where this is going..."Uh...a doctor of education in the field that they are studying."
Alex: "Martin Luther King, Jr was a PhD. I think he liked history, like me. I checked out a different book on him at the library."
Me: "Oh, good."
Alex: "So if Obama was not for killing babies, you would like him?"
Me: "Oh, honey, it's more complicated than that. And for the record, I don't dislike him as a person, just his politics. God says to pray for our leaders and I will pray for him and hope that he chooses the right path God has for him."
Alex: "Okay. Our teacher says not to say anything bad about the president; it's disrespectful."
Me: "I agree with her; she's right. We should lift him up...but Alex, Obama and MLK, Jr are different men with different philosophies. They share similar skin colors but their views on certain issues are different. I consider MLK, Jr a hero. Obama hasn't done anything in my mind to make him a hero yet. Hopefully, he will."
Now we are home and our conversation is over. Free time before homework and reading has become his new priority. Several days later, since the kids were off from school, they watched the inaugural ceremony with me...and even though Obama and I are on different sides of the fence, I did feel proud for him that as a man of color, he made history that day. As Rick Warren prayed, I felt the Lord stirring in my spirit..."Lift him up to Me in your prayers. Pray for wisdom. Pray for guidance. Pray for strength. Pray for his protection. Pray for his precious daughters."
Today in my bible study, an amazing woman of God spoke these words: "We are a country divided on issues. Issues aren't the problem. Once Jesus becomes the priority, issues resolve themselves. Stop praying about the issues but pray that God will reveal himself to each man. Pray for salvation because that is the most important issue of all." Amen! I suppose that's what Martin Luther King, Jr., would have spoken over us as well.
"Mom" he said, "you wouldn't believe how they used to treat black people." A part of me was sad that his innocence was gone; he now knew that the world is not color blind. "It was very touching," he continued "I sort of got tears in my eyes." Our talk about racism continued as well as discussing what kind of hero MLK, Jr. was. Then he asked, "Mom, isn't it a good thing that we now have a black president?"
After a deliberate hiatus of not talking about, watching or listening to any commentary on politics, I was somewhat reluctant to go down this path. Not to mention that trying to explain the complexities of politics to an eight year seemed like such a daunting task. Our dialogue went something like this:
Me: "Yes, yes. Absolutely. It's a wonderful thing that we have a black president. However, he's actually called bi-racial. His mother was white and his father was black...but he is a man of color. A lot of black people said that they never thought they would live to see it. I am very proud that our country has come this far in being color-blind, unfortunately, he's on the wrong side of the issues."
Alex: "But you didn't want him to be president, right?"
Me: "Not because of his skin color, honey. I don't vote for someone based on their skin color or what gender they are. I disagree with many issues that he stands for, that's all."
Alex: "Like what?"
Me: "Abortion for one."
Alex: "What is that?"
Me: "It is when a woman can terminate or abort her pregnancy."
Alex: "Huh? Kill a baby?"
Me: "Well...essentially, yes."
Alex being thoughtful for a few seconds. "What is a PhD?"
Me wondering where this is going..."Uh...a doctor of education in the field that they are studying."
Alex: "Martin Luther King, Jr was a PhD. I think he liked history, like me. I checked out a different book on him at the library."
Me: "Oh, good."
Alex: "So if Obama was not for killing babies, you would like him?"
Me: "Oh, honey, it's more complicated than that. And for the record, I don't dislike him as a person, just his politics. God says to pray for our leaders and I will pray for him and hope that he chooses the right path God has for him."
Alex: "Okay. Our teacher says not to say anything bad about the president; it's disrespectful."
Me: "I agree with her; she's right. We should lift him up...but Alex, Obama and MLK, Jr are different men with different philosophies. They share similar skin colors but their views on certain issues are different. I consider MLK, Jr a hero. Obama hasn't done anything in my mind to make him a hero yet. Hopefully, he will."
Now we are home and our conversation is over. Free time before homework and reading has become his new priority. Several days later, since the kids were off from school, they watched the inaugural ceremony with me...and even though Obama and I are on different sides of the fence, I did feel proud for him that as a man of color, he made history that day. As Rick Warren prayed, I felt the Lord stirring in my spirit..."Lift him up to Me in your prayers. Pray for wisdom. Pray for guidance. Pray for strength. Pray for his protection. Pray for his precious daughters."
Today in my bible study, an amazing woman of God spoke these words: "We are a country divided on issues. Issues aren't the problem. Once Jesus becomes the priority, issues resolve themselves. Stop praying about the issues but pray that God will reveal himself to each man. Pray for salvation because that is the most important issue of all." Amen! I suppose that's what Martin Luther King, Jr., would have spoken over us as well.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
A New Beginning
Welcoming in the 2009 New Year, and reflecting upon the main events of last year, I soon realized how blessed I am. As a person who tends to wallow in an endless sea of regrets and who is quite often displeased with herself, even I had to admit: I am blessed.
Why? I am not famous, nor enormously wealthy; I haven't solved any of life's major problems; I haven't accomplished even half of the things I thought I should have by now. I don't have an Olympic gold medal or a Bestselling Novel and nobody has ever asked me for my autograph (even though I perfected my signature as a preteen). My life is fairly simple and relatively drama-free...so what makes it so special or blessed? So often it's just the little things that I cherish the most. Such as: the way Aidan laughs, the smell of his little boyness as we cuddle and play match game for the millionth time. I love Alex's dimpled cheek (just one), his amazing memory and inquisitive mind, deep voice and slight lisp when he says "s". I adore Andrew's up-turned Papa-nose with a sprinkle of freckles laying across the bridge, his zest for life and his outgoing personality...he always has a "new best friend"....and his deep love for animals. I love our family dinners where we laugh and share about our day. I love the quiet stillness of the house as boys' slumber in their beds. I love kissing my husband's full lips and listening to his deep resonating voice and laugh. I love how the boys' adore him and use him as a jungle gym. I love how he makes us all feel safe and how he can fix anything! I love my morning coffee with French Vanilla cream; the way the morning sun peeks through the living room windows and casts a golden hue on the hardwood floors as I have my quiet time with God. I love that God reveals himself to me in so many little aspects as well as the big ones! I love that God cares about the little things and delites in our joy.
For all these things, I am grateful. I am blessed.
Why? I am not famous, nor enormously wealthy; I haven't solved any of life's major problems; I haven't accomplished even half of the things I thought I should have by now. I don't have an Olympic gold medal or a Bestselling Novel and nobody has ever asked me for my autograph (even though I perfected my signature as a preteen). My life is fairly simple and relatively drama-free...so what makes it so special or blessed? So often it's just the little things that I cherish the most. Such as: the way Aidan laughs, the smell of his little boyness as we cuddle and play match game for the millionth time. I love Alex's dimpled cheek (just one), his amazing memory and inquisitive mind, deep voice and slight lisp when he says "s". I adore Andrew's up-turned Papa-nose with a sprinkle of freckles laying across the bridge, his zest for life and his outgoing personality...he always has a "new best friend"....and his deep love for animals. I love our family dinners where we laugh and share about our day. I love the quiet stillness of the house as boys' slumber in their beds. I love kissing my husband's full lips and listening to his deep resonating voice and laugh. I love how the boys' adore him and use him as a jungle gym. I love how he makes us all feel safe and how he can fix anything! I love my morning coffee with French Vanilla cream; the way the morning sun peeks through the living room windows and casts a golden hue on the hardwood floors as I have my quiet time with God. I love that God reveals himself to me in so many little aspects as well as the big ones! I love that God cares about the little things and delites in our joy.
For all these things, I am grateful. I am blessed.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Who I Am
THE BELL
I KNOW WHO I AM
I am God's child (John 1:12)
I am Christ's friend (John 15:15 )
I am united with the Lord (1 Cor. 6:17)
I am bought with a price (1 Cor 6:19-20)
I am a saint (set apart for God). (Eph. 1:1)
I am a personal witness of Christ. (Acts 1:8)
I am the salt & light of the earth (Matt 5:13-14)
I am a member of the body of Christ (1 Cor 12:27)
I am free forever from condemnation ( Rom. 8: 1-2)
I am a citizen of Heaven. I am significant (Phil 3:20)
I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31 -34)
I am a minister of reconciliation for God (2 Cor 5:17-21)
I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:18)
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6)
I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom 8:35-39)
I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor 1:21-22 )
I am assured all things work together for good (Rom. 8:28 )
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16 )
I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3: 12 )
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)
I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15: 1-5)
I am God's temple (1 Cor. 3: 16).
I am complete in Christ (Col. 2: 10)
I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3)
I have been justified (Romans 5:1)
I am God's co-worker (1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor 6:1).
I am God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10)
I am confident that the good works God has begun in me will be perfected. (Phil. 1: 5)
I have been redeemed and forgiven ( Col 1:14).
I have been adopted as God's child (Eph 1:5)
I belong to God
Do you know who you are?
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Opening old wounds...
Technology is amazing! People from the past just suddenly reappear thanks to the invention of cyberspace! Recently, I just reconnected with a childhood friend on Facebook. Although it was so awesome to reminisce, it was also painful. This friend's mother was one of my mother's dearest friends and so we grew up together. Being three years older and a dorky kid, I always felt like an ugly duckling besides this beautiful, blue-eyed blond. Years later, two more sisters arrived and mimicked the older one's good looks. My mother and I always thought the blond-haired mom and her three mini-me's reminded us of a mama duck with her three ucklings...each one cuter than the next...following their mama home. Then tragedy struck...the mama duck was murdered and the three ducklings went to live with other relatives. To this day, that funeral was the most horrific and devastating one I'd ever been to...and my own father is deceased. I will never forget it.
As the story goes, my mother lost touch and we always wondered about the beautiful ducklings. Thanks to Facebook, I found the oldest duckling and made a connection. We have since spoken to each other 3 times! I am so happy to hear how the beautiful girls have found their way, their passion and their lives in California. Opening up old wounds this week has also led to some profound discoveries. Closure was needed to end this tragedy, but it desperately needed a happy one. I so despise sad endings! Thankfully, this story has both, and my old wounds are healing. The mama duckling is smiling from heaven, beckoning me with her spirit..."Love my girls", she whispers. "I will. I will." I answer. The End.
As the story goes, my mother lost touch and we always wondered about the beautiful ducklings. Thanks to Facebook, I found the oldest duckling and made a connection. We have since spoken to each other 3 times! I am so happy to hear how the beautiful girls have found their way, their passion and their lives in California. Opening up old wounds this week has also led to some profound discoveries. Closure was needed to end this tragedy, but it desperately needed a happy one. I so despise sad endings! Thankfully, this story has both, and my old wounds are healing. The mama duckling is smiling from heaven, beckoning me with her spirit..."Love my girls", she whispers. "I will. I will." I answer. The End.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I Still Believe
Today is November 5, 2008, and Obama will be America's new president in the coming year. I'm not necessarily shocked but deeply sad; America has clearly lost her way. Some friends and relatives I know cried; some were angry; some feel numb. I feel oddly at peace; perhaps the Holy Spirit's supernatural presence is preparing me for our next challenge. However, I am glad it's over. As I watched McCain's concession speech last night, I was so proud of the man he has proven himself to be. Initially, I wasn't a McCain fan, but in these last few months, I've grown to love the patriot and the leader that has served our country so unselfishly. His passion for the United States is genuine, and I think America missed a great opportunity to have a leader who would not only protect us but govern with integrity. And Sarah...wow; she gave me real hope. She took such a beating, and yet, never allowed the media hype to change who she was. I know the Lord's blessings and grace are covering her. I'm positive we haven't seen the last of "Esther for this time". All that being said, the Christians have a lot of work ahead of them, and I think our spiritual warfare has just begun.
Forgetting the spiritual ramifications for a minute...America has voted for a man who won't put his hand over his heart to salute the flag or sing the "Star Spangled Banner" because it denotes violence and the American Flag means oppression to some people. Huh? This is our new Commander in Chief? Wow, how sad for all the men and women who gave their lives for our freedom. Thankfully, Michelle Obama can now be proud of her country twice in her lifetime. Perhaps some can be happy that America chose "real change" over an American Hero, but I just can't. Is it just me or do you feel the media and Hollywood are subtly brainwashing the citizens of America? When the leftest media propaganda called Obama their "Messiah", God granted their wish....I keep hearing this phrase in my mind..."You asked for a Messiah...here he is. Good luck." Oh, have mercy, dear Lord. My boys will grow to be men someday. However, when my 8 year-old son kept asking me who would win, I always responded, "Whomever America deserves, honey." Since Obama won by a landslide, I think America got exactly what she deserved. Good luck, America; you are going to need it.
Fortunately, my world won't change much...not yet anyway. God's promises assures me that those who love Him will indeed be covered with his mercy, grace and strength. However, I am fully prepared to fight for and stand on the Truth that gives me hope.
I still believe in the perfect will of God. I still believe in the Lord's Sovereignty. I still believe that Jesus in the ONLY Messiah. I still believe in the Constitution of the United States. I still believe that only God can truly examine the motives of men's hearts and eventually, justice will prevail...in His time.
On a side note: My flesh wants to say that we should give Obama as much respect as the democrats gave George W. Bush, but my spirit says to pray for him. I suspect he will need it.
Forgetting the spiritual ramifications for a minute...America has voted for a man who won't put his hand over his heart to salute the flag or sing the "Star Spangled Banner" because it denotes violence and the American Flag means oppression to some people. Huh? This is our new Commander in Chief? Wow, how sad for all the men and women who gave their lives for our freedom. Thankfully, Michelle Obama can now be proud of her country twice in her lifetime. Perhaps some can be happy that America chose "real change" over an American Hero, but I just can't. Is it just me or do you feel the media and Hollywood are subtly brainwashing the citizens of America? When the leftest media propaganda called Obama their "Messiah", God granted their wish....I keep hearing this phrase in my mind..."You asked for a Messiah...here he is. Good luck." Oh, have mercy, dear Lord. My boys will grow to be men someday. However, when my 8 year-old son kept asking me who would win, I always responded, "Whomever America deserves, honey." Since Obama won by a landslide, I think America got exactly what she deserved. Good luck, America; you are going to need it.
Fortunately, my world won't change much...not yet anyway. God's promises assures me that those who love Him will indeed be covered with his mercy, grace and strength. However, I am fully prepared to fight for and stand on the Truth that gives me hope.
I still believe in the perfect will of God. I still believe in the Lord's Sovereignty. I still believe that Jesus in the ONLY Messiah. I still believe in the Constitution of the United States. I still believe that only God can truly examine the motives of men's hearts and eventually, justice will prevail...in His time.
On a side note: My flesh wants to say that we should give Obama as much respect as the democrats gave George W. Bush, but my spirit says to pray for him. I suspect he will need it.
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